Lindsay Lohan in Liz & Dick – Colossal Failure

What else is there to say about poor Lindsay Lohan? The cute youngster from PARENT TRAP is gone and in it’s place is a depressing, sad, and terribly confused adult. She’s crashed and burned so many times that it’s hard to keep routing for her and unfortunately, her turn in Lifetime Television’s LIZ & DICK doesn’t do anything to improve her status.

The story is simple – a timeline arc of the stormy, lustful, love affair between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. But the execution is…well…just wrong.

Lindsay phones in her performance. Her inflection isn’t near the soft, high, impish-like voice of the real Elizabeth. It’s more of a scraggily, smoker’s cough that we have all heard in every interview she’s ever given.  And can we talk about the difference in physiques? Where are the curves that Elizabeth made famous? And the weight fluctuations that made the news? Were you too proud to wear padding, Lindsay? The only thing she does to look remotely like Elizabeth Taylor is slap on a brunette wig and stuff her cheeks like a squirrel stowing nuts.

Poor,  poor Lindsay.

It doesn’t help her that her co-star Grant Bowler (a very cute New Zealander, who you might remember from TRUE BLOOD) who is a least twenty years older than Lindsay, doesn’t come close to exhibiting the booming personality of Richard Burton. He at least tries to convey a believable performance. Lindsay doesn’t. It leaves Grant to try to act by himself and so the movie is a colossal failure.

Overall, Lindsay’s performance is very much like watching a little girl play dress up that has no hope in ever fitting in the clothes. She just doesn’t care and because of that she should step aside for the thousands of young actresses that do. And who will show up. Ready to work.

J.K. Rowling’s A Casual Vacancy – Definitely NOT Harry Potter

First let me say that I am a huge…I’m talking HUGE Harry Potter fan and that I hold J.K. Rowling in the highest esteem for creating such a wonderful and exciting world. Unfortunately, her world building isn’t so much in A Casual Vacancy

Rowling’s first turn into adult books leaves me…disappointed. The book tries its hardest to remain relevant to adults, but fails by having all the conflict brought on by teenagers. I think Rowling still misses the teenage world,  and I hope she returns to her roots.

Vacancy is chocked full of characters – way too many to keep track of – and the biggest problem is that you can’t really tell whose story it is. Point of views change at a blink of an eye – sometimes mid sentence. That doesn’t bother me as much as not really caring about any of the characters, even though the circumstances of the characters should be worth caring about. 

Drug addiction, infidelity, political intrigue – yeah it sounds like ABC’s REVENGE, right? At least that show is so bad it’s good.  Vacancy lacks a true direction and makes the reader work really hard for very little in return. Its full of weird sentences like, “it fluttered in her stomach like a fetus.” Eck.

Where is the lovely alliteration? What happened to lines like, “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

That’s what I’m talking about…and miss.